Dark Jokes

For whatever reason I've always found nighttime jokes to exist the funniest kind of sense of humour. I think information technology's the reminder of your own mortality that makes y'all more eager to accept the levity of a proficient joke. Then, I searched Reddit collect a listing of the all-time "sad laughs" or dark jokes I could observe. Enjoy!

1.

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

2.

A adult female visits the physician as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may exist significant. Afterwards her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".

She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"

To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

(via Doctor_Grimm)

three.
A human went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: "Fuck off, you lot won't bring it back."

(via jimmycobwell)

4.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To become to the other side…
(suicide, for those that are tedious)

(via bathroom_break)

five.
What practise y'all call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to phone call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

6.
What's blue and doesn't fit? A dead epileptic.

(Told this to my epileptic dad. He was not amused. Deplorable Dad)

(via thisk)

Dark Jokes

7.
Then a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

Boy "hey mister its getting night out and I'm scared"

Homo "how do you lot call up I feel, I have to walk dorsum alone"

(via 1Dregun1)

8.
Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?

There was a face off in the corner

(via Wilktacular)

9.
"Cats have ix lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation." Jimmy Carr

(via WorkForBacon)

x.
My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She'd say "Knock knock", we'd say "Who's there?"

And then she'd say "I can't remember"… and start to cry.

(via BrownNote)

11.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

(via cryingcolossus)

12.
Where did Lucy get during the bombing?

Everywhere

(via Pea_on_me)

xiii.
I in one case asked the crowd if they were pro guns and the majority belted out in approval. I asked a man in the front row why he was pro guns and he gave me the basic 'personal protection liberty second amendment' hooplah. I very seriously told the crowd, "I'm pro guns because I enjoy living in a world with only 4 Nirvana albums." My friend was the only one who laughed.

(via _vargas_)

14.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

(via a_dyingbreed)

fifteen.
"I'thou sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

—Demetri Martin

(via juicycunts)

sixteen.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper eating house high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can't believe what he merely saw. He'south more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks dorsum into the bar and sits downwards adjacent to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, "How did you do that? I simply saw you lot jump out the window, and we're hundreds of feet to a higher place the footing!"

The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I spring out the window, the tequila makes me slow downwards correct earlier I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his anxiety. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, likewise, and so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the lesser, he doesn't slow down at all. SPLAT!

The commencement guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. "You're really an a**hole when you lot're drunkard, Superman."

(via Losthunter)

17.
Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

(via [deleted])

eighteen.
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

… A bittersweet victory.

(via [deleted])

19.
Q: Why don't cannibals swallow clowns?

A: Because they sense of taste funny!

(via [deleted])

20.
Adult female delivers infant. Doc takes the babe, and throws it, slap-up around the hospital room, drib-kick it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging "WHYYYY!!??". Doctor holds baby upside down past the ankle and says "I'm simply fucking with you lot, it was born expressionless".

(via boxinafox)

21.
Afterward a long labour, a physician approaches the new mother and says, "Ma'am, I've got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?" Later rapidly thinking it over, she responds, "I'll have the bad news first doctor".

The doctor replies, "We'll, I'grand not sure how to put this, and I'm lamentable to take to tell you lot, your child has cerise hair".

Relieved, a grin spreads across the female parent face. "Doctor, if that'southward the bad news, what's the proficient news". The doc replies, "He'due south dead".

(via Pandomonium84)

22.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it's the only honey they go.

(via emmacoo)
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